1. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
2. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
3. Never test the depth of water with both feet.
4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
5. Duct tape is like 'the force'. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
6. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Somedays forwards can be funny! This one was from my grandmother. (There were more, but I thought these were the funnier ones.)